You ain't young, hon...

As I get older, it occurs to me that some conversations are quite possibly a function of being 40-something. I sometimes find myself in a text conversation about which foods are the best sources of vitamin B-12, and might need to interject: "Hey guys, we never would have had this chat in our mid-twenties." Because we just wouldn't have. And my co-texters need my astute observation. :)

There are other things that come with age. And as I started to think about it, these things came to me in a Jeff Foxworthy sort of presentation with a "You might be a redneck" delivery. So feel free to read this in that tone, because I totally was as I wrote this.

So...

• If you refer to something in your life with the phrase "twenty years ago," you ain't young, hon.

• If you get up to pee more than 3 times during the night, you ain't young, hon.

• If the first U.S. president you remember is Bill Clinton, you ARE young, and I can't talk to you. Stop reading this.

• If more body parts hurt on you than those that DON'T...you ain't young, hon.

• If you remember using the word "rad" or wearing slap bracelets or hyper-color t-shirts, you ain't young, hon.

• If you eat dinner before 5:30, you probably ain't young. Or maybe you are and you just woke up after a CRAZY night of binge drinking, and your first meal is a combination of lunch and dinner....or linner.

• If you use words like "linner," you just might be a dork. Like me.  :)

• If you plan your vacations around museums and historical points of interest, you might not be young. Or you might be an interesting, well-educated individual. We should get coffee.

• If you recognize the AOL dial-up sound, you ain't young, hon. Here it is, for your listening pleasure:

• If you have a written list of ailments/issues for your physician, the chances might be good that you ain't young.

• If the music in a store or restaurant is too loud, you ain't young, hon.

• If you still have a VCR, you ain't young, hon. I have one.

• If you don't understand phubbing, hundo P, you are v likely to be not young. But that's ok, it's p much JOMO. (I Googled millennial-speak, so I ain't young.)

The fine print....and if you can't read this tiny font, you ain't young. ;) The points made above are the opinions of the author and have been presented for humorous purposes only. Also, no young persons were harmed in the creation of this post. Or old ones.